I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
did i walk over a car last night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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