Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
