Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
