I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
