I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
