My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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