saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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