it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
false alarm, still single
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
