you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
