Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
