The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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