the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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