Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
