She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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