Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
