At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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