It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
