but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
