i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
