her vagine was all disorganized.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
