So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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