i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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