I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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