omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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