but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
