i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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