i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
