I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
