I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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