And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
