I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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