38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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