honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
