my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
