she takes plan B like it's going out of style
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize