sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
