Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
