He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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