wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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