i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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