Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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