it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
