I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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