Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
