dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
