I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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