just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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