1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
