That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
