upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i dont even know how to be here
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
