why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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