I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize