I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
