Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize