walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
