I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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