were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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