I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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