Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
