he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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