what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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