JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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