Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
