my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
