why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
