I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
