Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

How wet are you?

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

Ever heard of a U-boat?

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(843): View more from South Carolina

At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.

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(970): View more from Colorado

totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.

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(239): View more from Florida

He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.

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(303): View more from Colorado

How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.

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(425): View more from Washington

I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.

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(765): View more from Indiana

I forget how to act sober

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